THE CEREMONIES CONTINUE
I spent the next day deep into my thoughts. I was slightly shocked by what I saw during the ceremony the night before. It was hard to believe that my ego had taken control to such an extent and that I easily had agreed with its criticism and the constant pursuit of something more. I felt betrayed and what’s worse, I was the one who betrayed myself. I thought about the past times I had read about loving ourselves and how important it was because it was impossible to love others unless we loved ourselves.
Did I have to come all the way to Peru to realize all that? Apparently yes. Ayahuasca took off the masks of the ego. What a controversy – the ego is what keeps us in a half-asleep state similar to narcotics and here in the heart of the jungle, with the help of another “narcotic” I succeeded in catching it red handed. One fire drives out another I guess.
The next day was sunny and lovely so I decided to take a walk. The reserve turned out to be a magical place. Right past the area with the bungalows, there were volleyball and football playgrounds, and behind them were a bunch of animals some of which were in cages. I also got to meet three monkeys. What amazed me about them was their way of communication – they stretched their arms out through the cages and when I held their tiny human-like hands between my palms they looked straight into my eyes and it felt like I could hear their thoughts.
It started raining in the afternoon and it turned into a huge thunderstorm which flooded everything in the area. It was November and along with the previous October, this was the rainy season around here. Every day it poured rain from the sky together with bright lightning and loud rumbling. The ceremonies weren’t something that could be done every evening. At least I couldn’t do it, and neither could Silvi so we did it every other day.
On the following day, the shaman came and again we drank ayahuasca. I noticed that as soon as I brought the cup to my lips I started feeling nauseous, the same feeling we get when we get wasted on some hard liquor and we smell it on the next day. Silvi later explained that the intelligent machine – our body, now knew what we were trying to do and this was its defensive reaction.
This time it wasn’t as frightful as the first time. In the beginning, I saw the scary visions, but I did my best to keep my cool and handle what the brew was throwing at me. Later the bad visions started to fade and were followed by those in which I was the one who chose the location and time. I observed some “long forgotten” stories from my life in such detail that it made me wonder if those memories weren’t actually stored in my memory but rather preserved in my brain or someplace else with which I was simply able to establish a connection and access them. I decided to test whether those memories were real or a figment of my imagination.
I was taken back to the time when I served in the army. In this vision, I was put on duty by my commander in his office and was in charge of writing some notes. There were 30 people in my company and at the time I knew all the names of each and every one of them because I had to write them multiple times every single day. I focused and soon I was standing in front of the list of my company; a list definitely written in my handwriting. I started reading – yes, those were surely the names of the guys from my company.
Pablo asked how I was feeling, and with a smile on my lips, I responded I was great. I doubt he could see my smile in the darkness but I am sure he could sense my state. The ceremony lasted about 3 hours. Compared to the effects of alcohol for example during the ceremony you can return to a normal state as you wish. You can also make conscious decisions and even drive if necessary. Ayahuasca simply made possible access to higher consciousness – I felt more knowledgeable and connected to some profound wisdom. I believe this is where its healing powers come from.
The brew itself didn’t have healing powers. Its healing powers went as far as the healing powers of two herbal teas mixed together. Ayahuasca however had healed some incurable diseases and has brought many drug addicts back to normal life and that is not from the effect of the herbs it is made of. It comes from the mind to which we gain access thanks to it. That’s the reason why all experiences are different. No one will see or experience what I did. My visions were specifically “screened” for me. They were made accessible by some higher consciousness to give me a sign. A sign to change something in my life that would lead to a positive outcome. This is why I believe that ayahuasca is a living organism, it has a soul because it works individually for each person. A few interesting days followed. During the days I explored the life at the reserve and went on a few “missions”. One of them was to follow the long commute of a group of ants to and from work, another one was to communicate with monkeys, and some daring ones included petting a huge lynx in its cage. I also went to the town a few times to get some shopping done, where I managed to get lost but was later able to find my way around. I bought some fruits and veggies, which I got a chance to try for the first time, and Silvi was my helping guide providing information on how to eat them.
My bungalow was full of life too. There was a highway going through my bathroom and large ants were racing on it constantly. One time I decided to prank them and built a few obstacles which made them take a long detour. That same night though one of them sneaked into my bed and woke me with a painful sting on my thigh. I realized I deserved what I got and never picked on them again.
Also, I had a frog living in my toilet. In the beginning, I thought it was trapped so I tried helping it. It kept going back there though which made me conclude this was its home. I politely asked that it doesn’t jump around while I was sitting on top of its “home”. Needless to say, my request was granted.
Every other night Pablo visited and the ceremonies went more and more smoothly. It seemed that ayahuasca knew I’d learned my lesson from the first visions. Therefore I was given freedom which to me meant a voyage to the Solar System and the profound cosmos. My spirit soared freely and only my intentions were enough to take me any place I wanted. During one of the ceremonies, I remembered the telescope. My thought was enough to take me where I wanted and the next thing I saw was my suitcase resting peacefully under a staircase in the hotel in Caracas. I was sure this wasn’t simply a vision, but the true reality. This was the moment when I stopped worrying about it. I was more than convinced I left it in good hands.
After two weeks in the jungle and six ayahuasca ceremonies, I decided it was time to go. I bought a ticket to Lima, packed my luggage, and said my goodbyes. I thanked Silvi from the bottom of my heart for everything she did for me. Pablo performed a special ritual for good health and protection. I didn’t say goodbye to ayahuasca, however. I thanked for the lesson I was taught and promised that at our next meeting, I will bring a new me, filled with love for myself; a human who has accepted himself the way Life created him.
